maybe, bb, notes for later

http://writingcareer.com/post/129987347501/the-malahat-review-is-soliciting-prose-and-poetry

jussskiddds

me and my meep

Phone is some sort of clairvoyant, always knows who I know before I digitally acknowledge them, knows who I talk to the most...my favorite Chinese food place, finishes not only my sentences, but my words for me: some kind of love.

fakeness, but said like "realness"

Mom-slippers, dad-pipe, all that olden-life,
Nytimes crossword for the 'smarts',
I don't know any of the cool cities anymore.

passe agressive?

If only I could avoid them physically as easily as virtually.

Author's note: this sentence can also be reversed depending on proximity.

the long version, nonedited #feelings

*Sometimes I relate my day-to-day experience to television, reality shows...by sometimes, I mean, all the time. Like, there is this person that I just unfriended that is always trying to do that bs thing Tyra Banks does where she exploits contestants trauma for dramatic effect/corporate gain. Frames it as a learning experience. Acts as if the breaking down inevitably occurs before the building up. What a saint in a 24hour fat suit*

But, what reason would someone have to exploit another person's, supposed, vulnerabilies in-real-life? I am really incapable of processing the personality type that likes to tell people what other people have said about them behind their backs to their face--we all have opinions, and we all assess each other's personalities, most often silently, sometimes not--but what is the impetus other than to hurt? Meanness. Is it gratifying? Does it stem from a shaky sense of self? Is it that thing where you give someone a pass because they are, assumingly, having a shitty life? Is it much more insidious? A power play? I wish this person were smarter, and, knew the difference between a critical thinker and a negative person, between bluntness (of someone who doesn't distinguish hierarchies of good and bad) and one who intended harm. And, I wish I were smarter, and could fully dissect cruelty from insecurity. And, I don't think this is a "bleeding heart" so much as a teen on Maury move, "You are just jealous!" But, I want you all to know something: I am not the father!

yay, druqs

Verbal, feel out the offense, only to realize nothing is offensive anymore, not from mouths like ours, babes--the only reason we're 'friends'--and flashback texts, hits and misses--deleting you is a sign of laaa, heart-stick-in-the-motel, defense, am I going to run it ragged, non-stop-the-weekend, and exaggerate at own expense, always. XsOs

feebee feeble, reals

• G, D, my freshman find me so relatable, it's embarrassing...

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• 
Kevin Brophy I'm drawing on wrinkles...eyeshadow dust, settle, in existence.

b, back away, take that weapon and point it at someone you'll stay with

The Blow lyrics written 4Bey

I wanna delete you, but youre my bb

it's just something I want

Half tops for boys only

Posture, belly-barer,
70's better-than-machismo, chest hair.

Watch Netflix as profession.

It's a great title, but are too enamored with the title to change it, but, that might be okay, because it is a great title.

Bleach or Bleed.

Wax reminiscent, a fine stain

Angst-dream, watching MTV freak-out, 90's style, Fiona Apple, sister-look-a-like. 

#impetuous4eva 

 #cocaine4eva 

out the car window, up, lick, 2000's thuglyfe, night walk, really just bad beans, 
hs body tales.                         

                                                                                                       Reminiscing is never a good stain.

participating way, ways down deep

See me, wet narcissism           in denials

i paraphrased, i paraphrased, and ambiguated

Are smart? Seem cool?
Fucking hilarious--will you loave them more than me!?!
Nothing is personal, ibiot.

about a prof, convo night, two exies, and no-shit talk, matter of fact

-it's her face crit word
-Haha, yep. She used it on me once or twice, and then I learned the rhetorical framework for her classes, and easy street. It's all bs!

ambush ambiguity

With it, specificity,
let it say something. It puts the lotion...

drove it, high school body, maker

Drove it, 30m, any which way,

make pretender, circa mom-on-call,

warm light, ambience, musak,

super bourgie, like, high school body, 

beach yourself

self-inflicted, as a positive, 
but its expression 
exclusive and privileged

The body is always written on by society, especially hers.

what does that construct look like? and what is the aim? how, exactly, is it faked?

being an a____ is like everything else, "innocuous and demoralizing"
                                          sex-body-werk, call it work, call it work, so you get paid

empty life, uppercruss, staged performance, duh, still glamourized, and d-----important

watching this movie with Jbateman Owilde and guy from inventing the abbots

e-problematic, trusted word-of-the-millie

[hide other recipients if no insult requested]

Solid cold, layaway poetry

"...but I really don't think there is any originality after the internet and in some sense we subconsciously or directly retain emotional and aesthetic affects of everything we see." Jennifer Chan quote--on hold, no lose, having Intether.

sicko

Can't take all your well-meaning advice--tell me who is good and going, who should hang--can't go to all the openings ("that is just not real, yo"). Cute that they do though.



#fans            

RA is the only me in this varied we

Relational aesthetician, calling all breakers, bleach or Bleed, funny, yes, don't call me camp, maybe, celebration lightens, literally, that glamorized misery porn debaser.

I almost built a 144ft unsanctioned space within a space to signal a physical impossiblity of liminal in the didactic, but ran out of time.strength

So, I said, "everything is prostitution," instead.
I. Meant. It.

where we find you, there you are...go

Really p.o.ed we share 'friends', when name populates, it's like oh, all gut, and I remember joking that I was going to fight you a year before, in backyard. Visiting professor, delete my comment so we don't share space, extrapolating future traumas, hands like couple of Joes.

taking you in, all seriousness

sentimental best us,
and then a look, tabbing, from
Youtubing memories, with your childhooder:
                            "Michael Alig's outlaw party at McDonald's in 1989" unRedited

academic life-sex, rolf

convolution in poetic terror,

first nationality: second life,
endless mediation, pointing return
We feel multiple, I am you, and mine designed:
#emodamaging brain activities

blindly chosen love machine

horror at the drive-in,

         "it is perfect for you."

Unambitious Rams, alerting

I'm always blaming it on mercury, or some shit, being in my twelfth house.

coming space, "prized things", first-to-fight

DOA the hair dye aisle,
I left the room dripping   gold

our body is put of my control

still birthing

throwing money at me like some cheap runway hooker

How do you wear it & what does it look like?
                                                               Search me.

and admitting, shoes, to the party, notice we, new, new

form of street-teaming,
just a finder:
                       bb Carrie Brownstein, hella plexy

as if, a half an inch deep

I am, I am.
Swear it.
Give me all the monies.

Ponygrrrl

Ordering around--more rex skills, ever

supposing book work, museum walk]tarot find'er
graining confidence, see a back, mannerism]no one else
miles and miles
only til Saturday

I wasn't commmiing on to you anyways!

Saw you after, ignored my kittens, still uncalled

white soft benches,
on back--like, psycho analyze me
virile video makes,
train noise--damsel in distress we

with student apt-appeal

backlit meditation insistent on
performative                politics

Symbolic and Actual, it's Sexual and Factual

Resembles regular, content and format
<actual> self-selectivity. Readership. Insiders,
a dozen show, samo samo. <werd>

something about renouncing authorship, but only in theory

attracted to this form___________art

find themselves useful, abandon

between and across, engage odds:

downplay capitalist, cult of collecting

                                              others.

helguera define it, social practical magic

Social intercourse, working
constructs. Genealogy [on your]
back. Significantly emerge [fully]
centering on process.

IyouWe come find me

use space to secure a place
we both can't exist in
we both try. fit     we tight
not-right, not-men, make
me victim, Bleach or Bleed
                          Yourself

Construct we, under dress me
threaten me, as we make we bleed

*sleeping*

space we can't exist in
goodmorning-goodnight

how to use space: all night

Choose girl
Chose girl
Choose
Chose
Chase
Banking possibilities

can't believe I actually like this Cage

the Elephant song

hands like plaque

apropos, down below
it's all done, hang around
work it, break that back
you say your okay, calling

waiting time, no way out
                                     be low

ni eisk, eeallt imperfect basics

See knifer, get $, no one saw me,
blase, blase, never minding
axie.axie ZzZ ZZZ ZzZ flyest
you ever met, feasting weezus,
star-note, blase, blase.