Higher Ed can be a switch.
Wednesday, December 22, 2021
Wednesday, December 15, 2021
i had a dream of camp
i said, i burned their summer camp down.
and, all the text i wrote for an institution that wouldn't love me, that couldn't know how to love me back.
synced and cut into pieces. a plexi shape, perspex to europe. 24 x 36, in standardized. a 30" circle for $80
astroturf picnic on the lamb
I told her that I wanted to develop an app that pushed away my institutional pain.
a finger. a push.
dopamine cleanse {like were} doomers insurance
semblance of a body no layer there. to a body without site.
[proximity that makes the heart grow father]
script for a colors video
i wrote a poetry from dirty histories.
(a histrionics, if you will)
cleansed, i said cleansed
as you would to feed on, without struggle for resources from
babies breath a narrative unfolds, fractured.
Tuesday, December 14, 2021
4 roses, show a popsicle if not.
It was a mistake. It wasn't even on purpose. It was like a game. Our ghost. A touch and a noise. The slow down. And the quickened breath. A body moves towards the hand of teased withdrawal. A sensitive control. Panel that arches beneath you. The most intuitive interface.
She went dark. I sent something. "offline" soon 5 hours (obviously)
She made a memory of my car, the most home URL
A domain she could prefigure. Why couldn't I love her?
My Summer Romance for May December happened we happened in 6 locations 10 if you exclude her include me
Old phone, who dis?
Use their product/content (appropriate Corp bodies) describe wound, dressing.
Massage her IG with riding the bike (bat for Lashes...)
We can no longer exist for the night we can no longer exist outside in preferential contacts or context.
*
Tried + cried all day in the breakfast
I bought for her last time she was here.so
I could slowly cannibalize her presence and woke up crying. a cold collaborative email.
Old phone listening to St Vin
Soak a bath of saint and oats. Fitting, I float in buy for her. Breakfast until I peel. *things that look alike* cloudy, thin, beige hours, we couldn't leave in the weight of our skin *you know how I love a monochromatic look* steam rises from a skin --im making a sour with dough to start. We welcome so gs for heartbreak
Wednesday, November 24, 2021
a plant-based tech-meat for your red heat.
to eat, not disparate from our experience. we have a material of conditions. we are a labor forced.
to divorce oneself. the artist, above. is just to eat a delusion. neolib-merit, at my feet, on capital. embarrassing.
DIGITAL ARTIST
I am a performance artist. I grew up (grwm) in digital spaces. They are just spaces.
I am a performance artist, a sculptor, a poet, a pocket-sized skillset of a crafter.
I won't wax phenomenologic about paulvirilio (just to be contrarian).
donnaharaway's cyborg is a treatise on and illustration of contradiction and nuance.
--a construct meant to protect put in the hands of the sensitive defeats itself. a construct meant to protect and hold account appropriated by power defeats all dia logic. a referendum to keep me from editor-in-chief, so now I'm my own boss.
--a woke conservatism: to call out cancel culture only to cancel culture with aim at difference in a kind of genocide. a plant-based tech-meat for your red h(e)at.
The internet is a heterotopia. But, who cares. The only thing you really need to remember about foucault is that to be different is to be true, and truth is beauty. try the margins and see what fits (like my fist). The only white man, my master, I love.
iPET.
I am a performance artist.
Saturday, November 20, 2021
i want a simpler you (we dare not mention)
"right now she has freewill, but as soon as i get her to move in with me, i can control her" simlish
we are replacing you with your clone
in my heart and in my soul (it's my world of fantasy)
your (avatar) is in my heart. your (avatar) is in my soul. your (simulation) is in my heart. your (simulation) is in my soul.your (digital) is in my heart. your (digital) is in my soul.
i are not free
i gave you mine before thou didst request it. or some shit
~~~~but am not owned a higher sour~~~~
marriage still looks like ownership
even when the effects are sublimated
withstanding
--culturally reified instead of intimated--
-so
-much
-for your
-highbrow
-marxist ways
a lie is a wish the heart makes
you could just let me count. tell me those things. we will never speak.
(and i don't want to be source pain. and we don't want to feel it either)
in 3 years slowly disappears into something recognizable+missed-but-gone.
the arm moves slow across the field
with a text that follows without the rest
it built me a desk so we could write a world
--and his wonder women--put me to bed, to know that i could have with a plus one, but youre split in too many
and there's nothing holding me here.
he gets to know like property. we borrowed time.
we don't even get to know. in the know. a smile like a lie for a smile likes to hide. we only want what's best for you ourselves.
interested parties: that it's done. overdone. extra deaths
interested parties:
we will never touch again + we would rather die than be with you. or as the song goes.
let's remain good friends...for at least 3 years.
call an ex. break a weak thing. move countries after hard candy-colored approval. an apple pie. for the road "not it!"
"for ten days in January"
a little death in each. an understood, not enough.
a little death, felt in shoulders until the ten possible days are over.
a bigger death to know. is sought. was asked in absence, but for not.
we aren't the goal, we are just ease and persistence. some leftover, not the thing to seek.
we know an over and we can't even tell. some interested parties. that it's done. overdone. extra deaths
we hear too much, but without disclosure revel lie.
he gets to know like property. we borrowed time.
we are not that life
that sticks in-ribs
a necessary something to look out for, to care after, to control (without saying it)
we are a life, that alone
needs something to look out for, to care after, to control (with denial)
~any self by some other name would smell as smell, or something (my skin is sweeter than any, drag
out)
Tuesday, October 19, 2021
we learned how to move. how to be moved.
felt feelings feeling feel
by the end, seaweed in the wind
turned on my head, by the end
we learned how to move. be moved
could no longer agree. just turn side to side.
cyanotype
when we were a child we set a camp in our backyard. but that wasn't safe enough. we moved indoors. some bubbles. we watched in-horror movies. to stimulate the thing we imagining. we set camp in the alone. (the institution is the indoors. the horror resides there too.) we hide in the alone without wood. to stimulate the fear of experience and canon to drive desire. you make me wild, dd.
a friend said, women become more interested in witchcraft when their nights are threatened
*rights, not nights
mattgaetz: we have to burn the witches.
they say ever institution is modelled after a prison
this is how I find a flight (zoom in)
this is how I consult a life (zoom in)
this is how I drink a day (zoom in) x64
this is how they eat little shits like you for breakfast (zoom in)
choreography of hands (and history)
performance of a sequence (& culture lost) --sideway implications
--danger&virtue
decontexualize, recontextualize
(until everyone is humiliated)
what is essential is to lack precarity, difficult consumption, choreography
Friday, October 15, 2021
The year was 2009 and I was cutting my assymetrical bangs
while watching some indie movie with either Eliot Page or Zooey Deschanel or--improbably--Malin Akerman in it. Released straight-to-cable (right? 2009, pre netflix streaming?) many years after made.
Adopting from it something that built affirmations I still use today.
It was thin light fluff, but with our love, became dense weighty me at
Tuesday, June 15, 2021
a slight amalgamation of faces that hold you down
.like a spark AR for your IG heart.
to represent the 4 years of our discontent
circling a finger *oh, i didn't see you there* peak.gothic.coat
more public affection pls, for the frau with a kick in the queer
one x, the last thing you sent almost a trill
hold a fighting hand more near, for the frau with the curly hair
we are sorry we are so hard to help. obstinate abstinence-in-training
aid is only taken in-trust *it's a trivial [SPACE] for reading*
Arefusal to take
Toexhaust ppl with care
Holda space for your ego
Akind of rejection in arms
With wanton vocal fry, "you're not single,,,,,,,,,,,,"
we r (b4s1c)feist
red, yellow, green, and blue tell me what to do to you
with a promise matters: only to dominate in a game of consent, interesting for its difference to -reality- a fantasy or protest that owns the owner owned *little prince*
we are [basically]feist
but, we have 1. 2. 3.
and, the count matters. we won't position our power over your needs.but full bias, we most in(come) to dominate in(equality) outside that control.
they refused to play recess bc the work was just that fun (scientolgy kids to make gravel travel)
we wish we worried more about optics (and multi-million dollar real estate)
fortune under forty, front-line over twenty-five--the hotness bachelor (or a podcast) for a bucolic technocrat in the republic of gonzo
pick a card, any card
that hotel, months before/times, portent, looking in a mirror whilst atop a bed. crying for good measure:
when we are sad, we imagine a holding. like that cold night, with her. after we broke a heart, like we mostly do first --these creepy fake humans herald a new age in ai-- in that hotel, without even the grace of a microwave, an unsent message of apology, 12 hours from the arms that can calm a shake in an overwork insomnia. her hands are new places to hold and contain and colonize this embodiment of softness --need more data for deep learning? these synthetic data companies will make it for you-- we sad and holding in colonized hand (fuck, yes, white lady; we know what we are) with the anxiety of our body positioned over oppressed, like we've felt too with that body above --reinstate similar hierarchies in a new world order of fake affection and on-the-job efficacy--
(lawlzzz, burnnn, you screwed over two young professionals with one move during a pandemic and the second recession of their early adulthood/s, and your clothes make me sad)
:i am going to lose my law(l) degree over this:
(we are already sorry)
we are still a grapple with ~authenticity
an insignificant, unreal thing
a tenure-track prof + academic admin boss
some conflict of interest fro everyone involved who
gets annoyed at out-of-work millennials making a buck flipping thrift store to vintage
fully in their gen x: plaid 50's crop flairs, grunge ringer tee, and suzie Q cardigan.
Tuesday, March 2, 2021
5 days I was never paid for (subject), but paid for (object): DAY 2
2018, "i have the terminal degree in my field"
8:30 picked up at hotel by DM and partner-wife, "Do you know KB, she's fantastic?"
9:00 meeting with DM (head of art dept), he is wearing a black beret
10:30 meeting with BS (math & science), three water damaged ceiling tiles
11:30 meeting with MM (provost/vp/academic affairs)
12:30 on-campus lunch with search committee, saddest cafeteria ever
14:00 meeting with RT (information technology) "Oh, I'm going to use that now: Solution-oriented."
15:00 RM (visual resources curator) "There isn't much to do here, I fly to Portland on weekends"
16:00 BREAK, I was never going to die in a place with wall-to-wall low-pile, institutional carpeting
16:30 job talk presentation (room C417) Kevin Brophy: DEEPFAKE (Kevin Brophy is Deep+Fake)
18:00 senior student critiques (west campus)
19:30 dinner at one of only two vegan fine dining places in town, is a repurposed gas station
20:30 has beer, reads search committee members tarot (only two men stayed *side-eye*)
21:30 has beers, talked about druqs, v pro-druqs (dear god, why? we could be making a living wage rn)
22:30 driven back to hotel by DM
23:00 shower, cringe, panic attack, free HBO, am dead-tired, can't sleep, free HBO
3:00 feels like throwing up, hates everything, will die if lives in this city with these ppl! (oh, that's why)
8:00 picked up at hotel by DM
8:30 meeting with NC (diversity & inclusion)
9:10 meeting with VC (art history) literally knows nothing about art after 1968, *visibly disturbed*
10:00 meeting with RR (sculpture) "our student's don't know what sad girl theory is, but they could"
10:45 MM (benefits service manager) omg? 10k moving budget? I don't own anything, lol, I'm garbage
11:30 meeting with JP (drawing/painting) "you'll get used to it. this isn't florida, it's the south-south"
12:30 BREAK
13:00 lunch with DM, cringe, beret again, cringe, chill art spot, but I can't eat alone w this dude, seems intimate, seems like he's talking about in "40 years when you retire" *laughs in face* "if i live that long" (facepalm)
15:00 dropped off at hotel by DM "there is one other candidate other than you, we meet next week"
16:00 taxi to airport
17:30 flight memphis to tampa
22:30 mom with iced coffee in hand, "i bombed!!!" ...and I'm trading in my return ticket to Spain to stay here instead of going back to that haunted mansion...and I'm visiting HE in toronto in 2 weeks when I can't stand staying in your guest room any longer...and then I'm going to use the returned ticket credit to plan a friend-mantic May vacay with HE before my PNW residency in the most problematic city I will likely ever visit in this lifetime (hearts forever mom)
Notes: I received a 1 paragraph email from DM a week and a half later stating that they were going with the other candidate; an animator in his late 50s with an MFA from CalArts, 2 kids and a spouse.
5 days I was never paid for (subject), but was paid for (object): PART 1
2018 "i have the terminal degree in my field"
8:30 awkward talk, walk, and hug from residency director
9:00 bus from lumbier to pamplona, dirt roads
9:40 wait, there is nowhere to sit, wait
10:00 train pamplona to barcelona
14:00 nicer wait station, vending espresso, wait, charge phone in bathroom, do yoga in bathroom, wait
16:00 train barcelona to madrid
20:30 wait, wait, vending espresso, watch british family cookoff season one at airport, wait, don't sleep
6:00 train station to airport, nothing is vegan in this terminal, coffee
9:00 flight madrid to orlando (5h connection london, coffee, dry bagel, little planes on gatwick seating)
23:00 (0:00 origin) mom greets w iced coffee in hand at orlando airport, drives 2h to her place
1:00 fave new york style chinese food in fridge, eat (hearts after-midnight-mom)
3:00 shower and read about on-campus interviews, think, note, think
6:00 sleep
9:00 drive to airport (mom is hero)
11:30 flight tampa to memphis (charlotte connection: edit images, video, screenshot old fb, write)
17:30 starfucks for days
18:02 taxi pick-up from airport
19:00 hotel check in, walk to cvs: granola bar and amy's soup
20:00 research "individuals on itinerary and decide specifics points to discuss in meetings tomorrow"
Notes: nationalism everywhere, rewriting history; data as--always corrupted--erasure; &history as zombie, frankenstein, rewritten, construed, STITCHED TOGETHER ~full zombie apocalypse~ ...some investigation to be done there about refusing to acknowledge delusion of wholeness (LOLOLOLOL)
do well in a gradient-shadow-glow, resist to translate for them
to hold a hand inside
to make a long and cold ride
a warmth to holograph with tunnels
cutting seams for blocking light
looking to past with .the fool. is bright
we developed a crush, shit's weird 96with knowledge of another96
it would an hour from the east village and that's why we are taking a car
You are going to be really good to your people this month. That's nice.
because, i am the Earth, spinning round. cracked and burned, for an ending down.
And, it will all be very good, but not all your way.
i'm never going to ask you who you are.
good, young lad. until your heaven's,end.
it's a problem, it's last call.
Tuesday, February 9, 2021
Get f#ed, Chuck III
02:20
The producer not-slow, counted numbers
I'll give you 20,000 for exclusively set, dad player
to feet and cross her legs. skirt ride up
"To see if the power had truly shifted to her."
02:40
Okay 25, 30 mins accounted.
"She leaned forward and allowed her neckline to dip low." She proved dangerous. A reflex too many.
*Goodbye horses*
*It always falls*
*I've seen him come*
*And, I said: oh, no sir*
Get f†ed, Chuck II
00:27international net box office.
spoil the scream. remain silent
tossed onto his tongue from palm
00:58called her work politics, despite all the fuss about universal child care and income inequality ~isms
01:33eventually her motives would evolve as she continued to chase
01:55each one a step further from the truth, begun to wear thin.
~who's got their hand on the button now
Get f*ed, Chuck
was sexual a smidgen
more than almost. Still two years
she'd never gone back: see letters to her father,
fully arts. Fractals
~conquer track girls
Saturday, January 2, 2021
we are a record speed get over
to save a small, anemic thing. still
more
than we thought capable
i could be anyone (a repeat)
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