maybe this is the space we perform least...diaries

For real though, sorry to break this whole thing. Perform we. But I just got done breaking from thesis-writing with drunk job-searching and realized I squandered my time and missed all major res+fellowships opps and teaching positions. Being deeps-6week+depression. Total in bonehead. And should have spent less time being honest+critical+performingopposition and did that thing they always ask: smile. Why does anyone listen to anything I have to say? A fucking joke. And in this space I don't even get that illusion-of-intellectual-superiority-thing. I'm, like, 100% the least successful person I know.