Nostalgic for 1st year and flirting w wf cashier over my sad groceries because I only cooked with my coffee maker and being paralyzed by lead-fear and feeling so alienated, but also self-righteous ennobled in our alien-other and so tired of watching apathy* and ironically writing poems like: wet hot American semester

*apathy is no good, but erasure is scarier...is different than change and restructuring and worse than death, where there remains a history. Must honor, even apathy, with history. Something is not better simply because it is new and polished and in-the-moment prestige. This sounds oldie, but maybe I'm not so ageist after all, because a slow, sustainable burn that respects past progress and builds on it and genuine care for (constituents...students--choose my intent/your adventure--you know you always do)...all of this seems to go against what I normally say, but "burning this whole world down" is metaphor and is about post-structuralism and is about thermodynamics, about transmutation...about chemicals and physics, science...about nothing is ever created nor destroyed, just changed states. We start in-store, more expensive out-of-state. Erasure isn't real...the illusion is dangerous, and it is only seen in the dark arts: tyranny, totalitarianism (also, ironic on their part--and, depending on your choice--dramatic on my part...maybe).