i had this dream--i was never pregnant

but then there I was with my mom looking at a baby through that window, supposed to be mine. there were slashes across the back of His leg --penis still like clay-- that looked like blood-color-all-tears in a mountainside "is there something wrong with Him? his skin is tearing. he is falling apart." someone holding Him, not us. the window disappeared. " you should say your goodbyes" "do you want to hold Him?" "i don't think i should." not because i was afraid of becoming attached, but because i was disinterested and because i was put-off by his otherness--that illness--some sick-thing.