photo

Spine. "That was a memorable day for me..."

TOOTH

"a spin-off of the TRUTH campaign."

Yes, I've been quoting myself.

i think a cat peed on the notes I'm archiving from.

"Colette"
Makes sense?

"Have you ever seen liquid close in/fold in on itself? Enfolded Substances."

On the back of the Janitor Story.

13: a move to short films

"The Universe"
A start. "Scary nice girl always trying to be perfect."
Annotation. "She says, 'Carrie is my idol.' Flash of blood-dump."
Monologue. "What kind of fabric is skin? Some tightly woven fibers, hiding precious blood. These fragile cells. My organic clothing." Wishing it were intended deadpan.
An end. "Montage: Affirmations in mirror. Vomits. Serving at Restaurant. Cutting into her hands with scissors. Her ex as a zombie. 'I think he was on steroids anyways...just a matter of time."
Wrote "assholes" five times on one page.

Instant-Imagery

"A janitor cleaning up a high school," written quicky, "tearing pictures from the wall." Like some after-bullying scene from a LMN production, "and blowing trash and confetti out (?)." Some more, "Camera moves toward him fast: he's ripping the posters down (the camera shows they are pictures of him, the janitor) and he rips them in half and signs one of them."

I don't know where it was going, going.

Movie 2: Flapper

"girl in front of mirror" SIDE NOTE. "green version of Splendor in the Grass dance dress"
and some dialogue is written lopsided "My name is Varo. I am a flapper. Most of my friends are swingers, but that's okay, after the Gap commercials, it became passe."
 

Did I write this before anyone else?

Age 8.
"She thought she was stuck in a nightmare,
turns out she was stuck in a dream."


Read: sarcasm

Humiliation is a movie idea from childhood

This was serious. 
"INTRO--musics plays and young girl walks down dusty railroad at dusk...it's a story about a girl who is cold as ice. Not that much of an asshole, it's just how she is. So, events happen..." 
And further down the page it reads, 
"She is not pretty, a kind of sad beauty."

suckerpunch

Dreams of robbing malls, driving in snow, gifted black
teddies, and my skin is doing things I've never
seen before.

bod for skins

"Not how like a man would dress if he were a woman."

            Vomiting.    Now.       Winning.

i look like a young harrison ford

It puts the power on its skin.

where is my name...step-mom

i was the seduction and the year was, kevin brophy...something about dragons?

I'm watching Working Girl. Eat me.

I'm watching Working Girl. Eat me.

Thanks, Santa.

Not Cool, 'friends'.

Sometimes we feel like posting on our fb wall is equivalent to our # on a bathroom stall.

since always plus age nineteen, leave Katie behind

If we're being honest, you're only interesting
when I'm talking and I only did it because      I was bored.

we could, we could, we good?

We only made out with you
because we were sad,
because we were drunk,
because we were bored.

Am I even a young adult anymore?

What counts?
And who's good, Miley?

familiar ache: where the blood is

She speaks like a proposal, we
believe none of it. A possible
assignment, removed. Clearly,
from a quarter-inch away, but
we see too close. The
womb is where the warmth is?

A moratorium on grey hair, and bros, and dads, and sirs.

prudence

So review mad, and we have no tact, and we have been accused of an obsession with whiteness and purity when we are commenting on a culture’s obsession with it, and our intelligence has been questioned, we have been accused of having flippant politics, pretty Christ-like, actually, and we wanted to verbally whip our adviser right there in the room, run circles with our wit, but we were reminded that defensiveness is a sign of weakness that we can’t afford, and unpacking the review contents, or even our last week en suite makes us feel like we have done ourselves an injustice, because we feel submissions brewing, subtle bullying, into apolitical territory, let older gentleman have his way: boring, because humor can be confused, we assume, but we can’t talk on an empty-sleep, so, recognized disadvantaged state and they pounce, super cool, because it is really hard not to play the game, and we are tired, so make we sobered and see, something other than the authority. Make we brat more, because, Jarrod, “You have no power over me.” Clocks whisper, think of you: Goblin King. “You have no power over me.”

named White Rain

"Because I'm white and I cry a lot. And the body wash."

polyamorous digicat cult:

Yard bait.

fb re:renewal terms

Did you just flag someone from your truck while they were on the phone and crying while driving to ask where a good area in FL to retire is? Did you just alert someone of your retirement plans who just got their car out of tow and was terrified that it had been damaged in some way when you waved your hands? Who had to take their ear buds out, because they were crying and driving and telling their mom that the 20 minutes they spent printing something off at school just cost them $200 because buggys are a tradition? Did you just stop someone named No-Sleep mid-tear to talk about a city near Daytona?!?! Someone who just took a bus and subway and walked on the side of the highway with numb fingertips. Did you just burn your ball cap and smile into someone's memory malice-file? Did you just stop someone while they were driving while crying? Driving while crying?..well he probably is excited about not working anymore ,and he said 'we're' so he probably still has his S.O, and they could spend more time together, which would be nice.

My Body Stiffened

admittedly I am drunk and high

making loud jokes for the adults to hear

cliches,
another girl hiding plastics,
want to run,
and this man, he is 23, tells my friend she's beautiful every day, and she is 14.

Email sent: I will see if I can fit it into my schedule

and get back to you this weekend.
With my blinkers on, generation happyish
                                         do-gooders and psas

and affluent doppelganger thinking

Panhandling norm-sized ideas:
so often my threat is overlooked

Bourgie, bourgie, bourgie

I like your hair and I am optimistic about this exchange

Everyone should have a ghost writer

fabric sourced: IamyourBiographer,
and am I going to send images, no, maybe
those images of A, because IamInsensitivetotheCommunity
[
and 2 out of 10 documentation pics of the photog themself
]

Doesn't 1990 want to know my name?

or, 1980
or, 1987
or, 1993
or, 1976
or, 1979
or, 1996
or, 1981
or, 1989
or, 1992
?

and, I wanted to come for you, but I was too busy writing about how I would come after reading (all night) about

how I'm supposed to come
   <how you imagine it>

As if I've been an unwilling participant in the appropriation of me.

Dave-Chappelle-on-the-verge, coming for Oprah.

Talking like Grilfriends, Mom. Sixxxterhood.

And she said,
 "Maybe it's like when you realize that what was in the painting was what was in you anyways, because you painted it. Like you're reading it that way because you feel it too."
As if I've been an unwilling participant in the appropriation of me.

definite before we self-construct

Alien princess, half finished cup of coffee
Honeymoon classic, persons
the sharer, the twins,
not very posh--wolves
cigarette smoking man, look out for self
Ottawa, serious business
J.Lo coming together
Fatboy Slim
Dev Shah, me Aziz
Katiness, explosive glitter
Temple run, in late teens
Adele: this is what happens when you don't call.
Be careful.

ornamental, stretch and enlarge

extremely small
reconstruction

under the skin
conditioning canal

unattractive effect on facial appearance

with planning for any possible repairs for the rest of    life

Vertebrates: opposite sides
                                         entire organ
                                                    first,           visible portion
vestibule    entertainment

balance and position, Head, localized body
                                         

I am going to leave my husband for an older woman

Supply Sensation

Body parting and herr nafarious activities

mammalian ears, very familiar
consists of an inner, true. aim.
human beings comparing arrival times
difference. and loudness. and this   system

heady petting

according to each part arising from either branches
different
artery, give me space. we both love the word:  supply
muscles, structures, feel me, Sound
people are able to move their ears in various directions

Dr. Class

bony matrix--social media
two vestibules
response--hearing

out screening, youths in projection

Continue watching for Kevin.

life:exit.strategem

Also, by sleeping I mean inventing the best life hack...it's called hyperlinking articles about life hacks in your calendar for a day when you will have time to read and enact said haxxxx

All waits, a little aching,

Always trying to be my sister,
to be Katie again

Photo of my name tag and an article
clothing to be victimized

read too much and feel brainwashed and this was one:

"She's the type of girl that can be so hurt but can still look at you and smile."

pretty sure I like, I do

This fucking man-bun they are replacing us with.

green room drinking you every chance I get

I'd like to thank my daddy for teaching me everything She knew
                                 



daddy-man
------------------
baby-grrrrrl

meow, this program, all announce appropriation

used in critical gaping, opportunity
Berlin and Istanbul, Creole estates
no drone zone, bourgeoisie, reality
Gentle-if-I-can-vacation, a part of the problem, artist

hot date with the word, few said was important to

But then claimed silence, never with me, dead give away, no strings

soft fluff, jump cut

Harass misunderstandings
we got on the back of hims motorcycle, no Helmut sss

full on lobes

Lluubbee

compliments pierce like Pagoda pressure, 5-7-9

None of those things are real, and;;;so, more, worse than assumed.
Seeming paradigm::I can't do any of the things::rights,
mean anything to we.feel.tall.but.impotent.

social media charged like a kiss in the park

is different when
the pacing's right
say, "uncle."

this is we on our knees

"You were always the mysterious one."

Is unsuccessful at Life-Sex, maybe, but

Will tell you about it.

that time I randomly saw Eyebrows at a museum, norm-call, at least sixty cities away, some thousand miles, older, the MFA to my BA, Legs said "fuck em, pleeasse, for me, for all of us..."

gave my #, no call$

color me badd, lyrical genie us

*Come inside, take off your coat, I'll make you feel at home.
Now let's pour a glass of wine 'cause now we're all alone.
I've been waiting all night so just let me hold you close to me,
'Cause I've been dyin' for you girl and make love to me.

Girl you make me feel real good.
We can do it 'til we both wake up.
Girl, you know I'm hooked on you,
And this is what I'll do...*

transparent, because It's used to being watched, growing old with it, took nearing decades to find a work for it

You are His music.

if you want to watch me make out with myself...

 Vis-a-vis, hold-up pantyhose, old tv, hooker legs

systemic fail: errorer umm.recognized

                                             you hear me, by
                                                    the way, but
                                                                know
                                                                 I will
                                                                never
                                                                  hear
                                                                   you
                                                                     ba
                                                                   
                                                                     ck

Cyanotype my hair

bleaching blueprint,
"slide down my razor blade into
 my
 cellar door"

I don't know, ex...

youXknowXbigXthing
seperatesXweXfromXyou

w/eee

Are the last generation to die. Data is soul. New-body-transfer, all-the-time, at least every two years. The predicament of lost souls...born-again...buy-it-again bodies.

I'm learning to cry better

And how to lie wetter,
"Marry me," Nathan Fielder.

said she needed more poetry in her life

but knew I couldn't give her what she wanted
because, do it all, wrong way, even knowing how.
why do we avoid death? I'm learning to die better.

thank ease, fall in, stupidly reminisce about three years ago

How are we now,

slowly turning into me,

She is all affected. 

I gave so much of my body today

Mastered life while waiting for my Married
<text me back>
                           Meaningful glances
<vegan-no-touch>

play for the screen

perform, even though the webcam is covered: No.
upsides down, like magazines ala fourteen

waiting lines, still, some sort of darkened magic

waiting on video, render, so have picture up on FB staring back at we 
I play Spectacular Girl, EELS, on a loop,    this is how   should think
stare again      of we, and    I'm fairly certain -you- do, but, just in case,
super spelling brainwash the avatar, timeline stand in. Werking already
At least I'm not      hands-on like the likes of,  cert.

worst possible living sitch (the worst!-haha)

Be all emo, want to cry--be stuck in room, again--wait to get charger from car until everyone leaves, on way, noise on porch, stop dead in tracks, think about reversing step, too visible, seen, keep going, socially malfunction every time someone speaks, too, wish for phone in pocket, so could just drive. the. fuck. away...walk back through the hall of bodies laughing like remembered middle-school bullies, and all the feels: super sick of basic, superficial relations, and manipulation displayed every day, "I'm just getting by til I can get the hell out of Dodge," so...and if you treat me like a 'bitch', I'll seem like one...and I'm sick of avoiding ppl who are also avoiding me. Can't wait for vacations with these run-onsssss.

loiter, naked legs

pass time      stop me, the funhouse is young and muscular
positions herself every day, reproduced     time and again
loiter, overstay   imagine a picture, repositioning himself

transpersonal social stock market

Ghost Modern Intimacies: the Art World.

Enjoyment? outside the spectacle

to
put
your
hands
inside
the
whatever
of
another

Softly Directive

Brown paper bag, just like a dream.
Practiced space: circling as usual, sharking
green and yellow waiting cars.

Before you forget, ever-reals,
occupying the place, a single ticket,
heartbeat honey, something like that

I still believe in the alternate sides. Walking commodities.

re:searching

Course title: finding out what I'd do for a subsidized tampon.
Course title: subverting power dynamics via whiteness, class4bratz
Course title: die, due, dying, "I can't imagine ever wanting to be ___."

manuscript by hand, neverfinishing story

I'm a social practice artist like I'm a poet,
               v real, but doing it all wrong. 
One off.

some quote, unattribute to anyone or anything, but like, magic-death-juice-gone

"Art lasts, it ages, but never becomes old, because it exists within the context in which it was made."

dealing with my ageist issues via Rose Mcgowan's relativity

Werdsmith

tell em more

Collect all the songs anyone ever said reminded them of you.
Find them depressing. Think that they do not represent.
Decide: who am I to say who I is...?
A personality that is idealism resistant.

writing with your liminality

I burned petrol to get here.

Kiley Jenner doesn’t touch her face.

all the proposals are dying, like, right now

A leveling effect. Curation by you. A one month effort: collecting the stories of East Deutschtown. I am your biographer. A one night event: we all play a part. Reenact we sublime.

Performative Personality Disorder

On persona subject, can we all agree,
I, just, over-performing the identity
placed on we.             Think:
Drew Barrymore talking about
pissing in shower, incessantly.    TMI,
                                                           as a
                                                           tactic
                                                           against
                                                           pry, pry, eyes, prioritize propriety, etc

Iam yourdaughter

The ways in which I am unfinished, unaccepted, endear you.
I make loose associations into clear directions, for affinity.

Like an Apathetic Oblong, no Will, no alch

The closest I've ever been to idleness is listening to _____ speak.
Neither
of Them
is Gonna
Come.

Rubbing Up, is Pretty Physical

Can I get reimbursed for this?

a thousand times death

Manucorrect

Fielding questions, do you regret it?

Sometimes I feel like attaching myself to an institution is like saying, "I can't make it on my own," but I never tried, and now this rich white dude's name is prominently visible on my cv--and what am I going to do, erase it, no--so I'll never know if I could have done it on my own--whatever that means--but it is somewhat like getting married straight out of high school, which I told myself I'd never do when I assumed "default straight" circa 7 or 8.

maybe, bb, notes for later

http://writingcareer.com/post/129987347501/the-malahat-review-is-soliciting-prose-and-poetry

jussskiddds

me and my meep

Phone is some sort of clairvoyant, always knows who I know before I digitally acknowledge them, knows who I talk to the most...my favorite Chinese food place, finishes not only my sentences, but my words for me: some kind of love.

fakeness, but said like "realness"

Mom-slippers, dad-pipe, all that olden-life,
Nytimes crossword for the 'smarts',
I don't know any of the cool cities anymore.

passe agressive?

If only I could avoid them physically as easily as virtually.

Author's note: this sentence can also be reversed depending on proximity.

the long version, nonedited #feelings

*Sometimes I relate my day-to-day experience to television, reality shows...by sometimes, I mean, all the time. Like, there is this person that I just unfriended that is always trying to do that bs thing Tyra Banks does where she exploits contestants trauma for dramatic effect/corporate gain. Frames it as a learning experience. Acts as if the breaking down inevitably occurs before the building up. What a saint in a 24hour fat suit*

But, what reason would someone have to exploit another person's, supposed, vulnerabilies in-real-life? I am really incapable of processing the personality type that likes to tell people what other people have said about them behind their backs to their face--we all have opinions, and we all assess each other's personalities, most often silently, sometimes not--but what is the impetus other than to hurt? Meanness. Is it gratifying? Does it stem from a shaky sense of self? Is it that thing where you give someone a pass because they are, assumingly, having a shitty life? Is it much more insidious? A power play? I wish this person were smarter, and, knew the difference between a critical thinker and a negative person, between bluntness (of someone who doesn't distinguish hierarchies of good and bad) and one who intended harm. And, I wish I were smarter, and could fully dissect cruelty from insecurity. And, I don't think this is a "bleeding heart" so much as a teen on Maury move, "You are just jealous!" But, I want you all to know something: I am not the father!

yay, druqs

Verbal, feel out the offense, only to realize nothing is offensive anymore, not from mouths like ours, babes--the only reason we're 'friends'--and flashback texts, hits and misses--deleting you is a sign of laaa, heart-stick-in-the-motel, defense, am I going to run it ragged, non-stop-the-weekend, and exaggerate at own expense, always. XsOs

feebee feeble, reals

• G, D, my freshman find me so relatable, it's embarrassing...

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• 
Kevin Brophy I'm drawing on wrinkles...eyeshadow dust, settle, in existence.