Sunday, March 19, 2017

Repeat: my love is embarrassing

YouTube channel on how to be an artist, "artist", wannabe, w/e...just videos of me screaming because I've ruined $100 of mirror film, of me crying because I've broken another sheet of glass in my hands, me looking dazed and crouched like Gollum in my studio while an Adam & Eve commercial plays on Pandora trying to decide if I can still shoot video even though I accidentally gave myself at-home microdermabrasion while trying to scrub off peelable lipstain that I used like a facial mask (boy, is my face red-hahaha, so nerd).

Videos of me applying for 'jobs' by cropping photos, writing posts on FB, privating them and putting them on my poetry blog (I've written over 200 poems this year--see how productive that sounds), drinking coffee and playing on Photoshop for 2 hours in the morning before having to do anything else, getting to use my body strength, getting my hands dirty, getting to call memorizing and reciting and making people listen to me speak a performance, getting to use my brain (which isn't the case for all work ethicals), being valued for my voice and pov and ideas and opinions and antagonism (sometimes), intellectualizing that move, talking to smart and funny people all day every day, total acceptance of my criticality (on a good day)...that last one is beautiful. *more acceptance in our space than so many, and it is important to be critical and socially aware of your environment (and don't worry we am) but holy fuck, I'm gonna miss academia. Sentimental me.
 

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