maybe it's just something that happens after you leave grad school

you know, that thing that happen when you feel revived, and excited, and readied to work again. when you remember who the hell you are, and you say things aloud like, "that is such a great fucking idea." about something that entirely transpired within your own mind. and you are 100% certain about how to describe it, how to execute/design it, and that it is good, like really good, like without crippling self-doubt. and, somehow years of staleness fall off your body and you aren't concerned with what you've done nor of leaving past typified work behind, and you just want to indulge in the art of the art con and find it hilarious and realize you can make work that fuels your politics and work the system and take this down from the inside, but first you have to get inside and first you have to $$