How do you tell your family that you are more dead around them?
That as soon as you settle, you want to leave again?
That the idea of settling is the biggest fear's end?
And, that you cannot tell if it is you, or them?
Your very small family.
Your very vulnerable family.
Your very well-meaning and needy.
Your heart, but your heart you need distance from.
Without hurting their feelings, without sensing your own abandonment?
How do you say, in many ways you abandoned me years ago and maybe we never forgave you, really. Try so hard. So long. In owning ways, maybe we never really forgave you for it.
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